I had one of those weekends where I managed to accomplish nothing except to make myself feel bad about my parenting skills. If you are a parent you know exactly what I am talking about. It’s the kind of weekend where you child begs you to do something and you simply don’t do it because you feel meh about it. Coral wanted me to play mankala with her and it’s a simple enough game, but I just didn’t feel like it and I couldn’t get myself past that feeling of meh.
So, Sunday night I ended up just meditating on myself as a part of this family and all my failures as a parent. I have a pile of clothes that needs putting away and a pile of laundry that needs washing. All my cast iron skillets are dirty because I haven’t washed them. It was just a weekend with zero accomplishments. During my meditation I determined in my heart to do better today. I decided to spend the day with my kids and doing things with them and getting my house organized and clean again.
I woke up this morning ready for my day. My kids were not. Coral wanted to quilt with Grandma and Leif was determined to play all by himself. I was a bit thunderstruck by my kids’ general behavior today and I ended up writing 2k words on my next book instead of doing what I had set out to do today. I didn’t do the laundry or the dishes, but this evening, after my kids had satisfied their need for space from each other and me, we all went out to dinner and had Cold Stone ice cream for dessert.
Even though I didn’t do what I decided to do today, it was still a great day and I feel much closer to my kids and more in love with them today than yesterday because we did get that quality time, even if it wasn’t what I expected. But then again, life with kids is never what I expect it to be. Maybe I’ll start making plans for them to ruin day by day and see how much more this life brings me with a little more leeway for myself and my children.